What’s Black on top and w …
What’s Black on top and white on the Bottom? An Oreo… I ate the bottom bit.
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I was on my way into work …
I was on my way into work and a mate gave me a lift. No use to me, I live in a bungalow.
Continue ReadingWhat’s worse than going o …
What’s worse than going on holiday to Mordor? Butlins.
Continue ReadingMy friend just phoned me …
My friend just phoned me to say he accidentally shot his wife in the knee and wanted to know what he should do… I told him “Aim Higher”
Continue ReadingI decided to have some ni …
I decided to have some nice chocolate cake today. I entered a patisserie and said: Whoa, you’re already fat enough! It proved to be an effective way to get a random girl’s cake. For free.
Continue ReadingClose your eyes and I’ll …
Close your eyes and I’ll update this old map of China. No Peking…
Continue ReadingI’ve just come in my pant …
I’ve just come in my pants. It seemed like a good thing to wear for a barbecue.
Continue ReadingFuneral processions. Hat …
Funeral processions. Hats off to ’em.
Continue ReadingI attacked someone with a …
I attacked someone with a bread knife today. A metal one would’ve been more effective.
Continue ReadingAfter thinking about it a …
After thinking about it all day, the wife finally decided to give me a christmasy nag and moan. It was a mulled whine.
Continue Reading“Microsoft launch Windows …
“Microsoft launch Windows 7 mobile” I’m glad that wasn’t my idea.
Continue ReadingMy friends are currently …
My friends are currently on holiday in Cuba. I bet they’re Havana good time.
Continue ReadingHarper Seven is a pretty …
Harper Seven is a pretty cool name, but if the Beckhams had just used an anagram of it instead, it would be even sharper.
Continue ReadingMy new years resolution i …
My new years resolution is to stop being so vague about stuff.
Continue ReadingI saw an advert today out …
I saw an advert today outside a beauticians that offered a “Fish Pedicure”. Since when do fish have nails?
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