Washing machines live lon …
Washing machines live longer with cowgone well she was the only one who knew how to use it
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Old Milk? More like fresh …
Old Milk? More like fresh Yogurt.
Continue ReadingTwo blokes are arguing ab …
Two blokes are arguing about which of their dogs is smarter. The first bloke says, “My dog is so clever, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around, then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.” The second man says, “I know.” “How do you know?” asks the first bloke. […]
Continue ReadingThe wife asked how I like …
The wife asked how I liked her new dress ” looked better with the potatoes in ” wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Back on the sofa tonight
Continue ReadingI’m writing a book, and i …
I’m writing a book, and it’s about the sofa that I just threw away, and the new one that I’ve just bought. Keep an eye out for it in all good bookstores. It’s called A Tale Of Two Settees.
Continue ReadingWell it’s that time of th …
Well it’s that time of the week where I go robbing houses in Liverpool. See you all later.
Continue ReadingMy mate said, “I’m thinki …
My mate said, “I’m thinking of moving somewhere with better scenery and nice countryside. What are your views?” I said, “Well from my bedroom all I can see is a traintrack and a few fields.”
Continue ReadingI couldn’t believe it whe …
I couldn’t believe it when one of my employees told me that I didn’t take workplace bullying seriously. But I gave him an official Crybaby Form to fill in anyway.
Continue ReadingOff to a show next weeke …
Off to a show next weekend. Don’t know whether to choose Hamlet or Cats. To be or not tabby.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between potatoes and people? I don’t eat the eyes of a potato.
Continue ReadingI went to visit Ryan Gigg …
I went to visit Ryan Giggs at his country retreat last week. As I was pulling into his drive I caught a glimpse of his horse as it flashed past my car, sprinting away from the stable at top speed. I ran to the door and shouted, “Come quickly Ryan, we’d better go and catch […]
Continue ReadingThe US treasury has confi …
The US treasury has confirmed it is closing one of its mints due to imperfections in the coinage. I thought that it made perfect cents.
Continue ReadingJoint Facebook accounts. …
Joint Facebook accounts. For couples with serious trust issues!
Continue ReadingAt 5 o’clock, my boss fin …
At 5 o’clock, my boss finished work and noticed I was standing beside the entrance to the building. He said, “I’ve been looking for you all day, why are you standing there?” I replied, “Because, earlier I came into your office, then you told me to wait outside.”
Continue ReadingMy doctor has told me tha …
My doctor has told me that I have a unhealthy obsession for peeling onions. Still, I’m not going to cry about it.
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