Author: qjoq.com

I judged a bungee jumping contest and to be honest, I wasn’t impressed. The standard was falling.

My wife was having a go at me earlier because I’d forgotten to redecorate the bathroom, but I was miles away. In The Caribbean, in fact. I must remember to leave my phone behind next time.

My mate asked me if I fancied a Holiday in Norway but I told him I really can’t afjord it.

I like to treat my girlfriend like a punchbag. I don’t actually hit her, I just stand around her with a group of mates talking about how hard we could bang her.

I got the sack at work today. I asked a colleague if she had a stapler I could borrow. I obviously misunderstood what she meant when she said,’ Have a rummage through my drawers.’

The kids kept finding their Christmas presents we’d hidden in our wardrobe and under our bed, and my wife said the only way to stop it would be to put them in the loft. I can still hear them crying though.