I went to a book burning …
I went to a book burning party the other day, but it turned out that bringing my Kindle wasn’t particularly useful.
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Whether you’re being genu …
Whether you’re being genuine or not, if you ask a pretty girl how she is, you have to do it like Joey!
Continue ReadingThe Queen knocked on my d …
The Queen knocked on my door earlier! She said, “I just fancied meeting some random people.” I told her my head was made of cheese.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a vet wi …
A man walks into a vet with a dead labrador in his arms. The Vet looks at the dog and says “sorry sir, your dog is dead” “I’d like a second opinion please” says the man laying his beloved animal on the table. “One moment sir” says the vet second vet comes in carrying a […]
Continue ReadingI love my cliche advent c …
I love my cliche advent calender. Every time a door closes, another one opens.
Continue ReadingKevin Costner has a new j …
Kevin Costner has a new job as a minder for Glasgow Rangers. The Proddieguard
Continue Readinghere’s a tip for you.. sa …
here’s a tip for you.. said the masturbating leper 🙂
Continue ReadingI only have one pet hate. …
I only have one pet hate…cats
Continue ReadingI couldn’t get to chess c …
I couldn’t get to chess club as its on the corner and I can only move diagonally
Continue ReadingI said to my wife “Just b …
I said to my wife “Just be patient”. She wasn’t, now she is one.
Continue ReadingI helped out a women driv …
I helped out a women driver that had broken down today. As a thank you she took her pants off and told me to take whatever I want from her. I took the car, because the pants wouldn’t have fit me.
Continue ReadingVicars – Bowling hedgehog …
Vicars – Bowling hedgehogs in the church grounds is an ideal way to clear confetti after a wedding.
Continue ReadingI got an email from a cir …
I got an email from a circus the other day but I couldn’t open the attachment. Apparently it had been created with a dopey acrobat.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the point of advic …
What’s the point of advice slips at cashpoints? All they say is “You haven’t got any money.” Advice would be for them to say “Look, mate, I know you’re skint, but my brother has just won a few bob on the darts; I expect he’d lend you some money till pay day if you give […]
Continue ReadingIf I got my money back ev …
If I got my money back everytime I played but didn’t win the lottery…. There would still be kids dying in Africa
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