The wife thinks I’m mad f …
The wife thinks I’m mad for putting glue on a pair of duelling pistols. But I’m sticking to my guns
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
‘Hi there and welcome to …
‘Hi there and welcome to Hollister! Would you like earplugs, a gas mask or a flashlight?’
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen 4 poor bla …
I’ve just seen 4 poor black kids who look like they need a real good feeding, like the ones on the advert for Children in Need, Poor kids… Oh wait, it’s JLS.
Continue ReadingI won’t be donating cash …
I won’t be donating cash to charity again. It’s all a con. I’ve just come back from a trip to Africa and the houses and schools are all made out of giant cheques.
Continue ReadingI split up with my girlfr …
I split up with my girlfriend because we argued about her single bed. We kept falling out.
Continue ReadingMy wife asked me, “What d …
My wife asked me, “What did you buy me for my birthday?” “Well,” I chuckled. “You see that pink Mercedes over there?” “Yes,” she said happily. “Well I bought you a toothbrush the same colour.”
Continue ReadingMy Wife said she wanted C …
My Wife said she wanted Chanel No. 5 for her Birthday. She’s going to be made up, all I had to do was re-tune the freeview box.
Continue ReadingI was holding my son abov …
I was holding my son above my head letting him pretend to be superman this morning. When he got bored he asked me to put him down. Luckily I had a needle and some pentobarbital sollution handy.
Continue ReadingWhilst driving my new gir …
Whilst driving my new girlfriend home I said, “You know I really like you, why don’t we pop down a dark lane and make love in the back seat?” “Sounds good to me!” she giggled. “But I don’t know what our mothers would ever say to it.” “OK,” I said turning round, “Doreen, Mum, you […]
Continue ReadingI really cant be a profes …
I really cant be a professional pallbearer any longer. The jobs been getting on top of me.
Continue ReadingThose push-up bras don’t …
Those push-up bras don’t work. Bought one for my girlfriend, and she can still only manage 10 or so before her arms get tired.
Continue ReadingUncle Ben found dead. No …
Uncle Ben found dead. No more Mr Rice guy.
Continue ReadingMy wife just posted on Fa …
My wife just posted on Facebook “The Pride of Britain Awards are on TV tonight, better get the tissues ready” i’m sure i’m not the only one who thought…….what time’s Hannah Montana on then?
Continue ReadingThese days I get the same …
These days I get the same answer from potential employers that I do from dodgy ones. “There’s a Czech in the post.”
Continue ReadingWhy worry about the black …
Why worry about the black kids standing by your new car? ‘We need to remove the stereo’ types.
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