Just been watching Blink- …
Just been watching Blink-182 He’s my mate who has a severe a twitch.
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I’ve got a great tip for …
I’ve got a great tip for a horse…. Try sleeping lying down, it’s far more comfortable.
Continue ReadingI swear that I just saw a …
I swear that I just saw a tranny on a confused.com advert. I think he/she misunderstood what they were advertising.
Continue ReadingWhat would you call today …
What would you call today if you had a lisp? Friday, thtupid.
Continue ReadingYou can tell a lot about …
You can tell a lot about a person just by reading their emails.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend is such a h …
My girlfriend is such a hypochondriac. She got jet lag when the clocks went back
Continue ReadingI’ve just had a phone cal …
I’ve just had a phone call from npower asking me how i’d feel if I were getting cheaper gas from them? I said ”i’d feel exactly the same as I do now but i’d be getting cheaper Gas!”
Continue ReadingI’m sitting in with a psy …
I’m sitting in with a psychic to learn the business. At the moment I’m just a sidekick.
Continue ReadingWhen people ask me if i’m …
When people ask me if i’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask them, if their hurting hard or hardly hurting!
Continue ReadingJust sat here watching th …
Just sat here watching the sun set. I think I’ll make a moon jelly next.
Continue ReadingI pulled this girl last n …
I pulled this girl last night who was obssessed with nuts. All I got was a pecan the cheek.
Continue ReadingMy daughter just won ‘Mis …
My daughter just won ‘Miss Ginger 2010’! Needless to say she’ll always be my ‘Miss Take 1993’
Continue ReadingSaw a crying kid in the s …
Saw a crying kid in the street, so I asked him what was wrong. He said “I’m lost!” I asked “Do you know your address?” He replied “timmy@bt.co.uk”
Continue ReadingJust talked to the doctor …
Just talked to the doctor about my crippling leg injury. An amputation is afoot…
Continue ReadingMy mate was raising money …
My mate was raising money for charity and told me he’d entered me in the 1500m. I nearly ran a mile.
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