Told my bird to go make m …
Told my bird to go make me a sandwich earlier.. Stupid Parrot never get’s the bacon right.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Working at a restaurant t …
Working at a restaurant the other day, I walked a couple over to their table. As I left, the man said ‘Ere mate, this table rocks!…’ I said ‘oh your welcome sir’. I laughed to myself and thought, he won’t be so happy when he realises I’ve give them the wobbly one!
Continue ReadingI’ve set myself up in a n …
I’ve set myself up in a new business venture, as the world’s first postal pimp. Send me your valuables, along with your name and address, and I’ll despatch one of my girls to turn up at your house and ride you silly. Please mark your envelopes ‘Gash For Gold’.
Continue ReadingI was in my local shop ea …
I was in my local shop earlier when suddenly this guy burst in and started shooting off rounds at the chocolate display. I think he was a bounty hunter …….
Continue ReadingMy mate is an astronaut, …
My mate is an astronaut, he used to look down on me. He’s now thankfully been brought down to earth.
Continue ReadingI bought one of those lea …
I bought one of those leak detectors from B&Q. But all I keep finding is carrots and potatoes….
Continue ReadingFirst it was Black Friday …
First it was Black Friday, then came Kwanzaa and then Black History Month. If we’re not careful, they’ll steal the entire calendar!
Continue ReadingWhilst on holiday with th …
Whilst on holiday with the wife, she was in a horrific car accident and ended up in a coma with the doctors telling me that she was going to need multiple costly operations to survive.Thankfully, I had made the right choice with our health and travel insurance. I didn’t take any out.
Continue ReadingSwallowed a couple of Es …
Swallowed a couple of Es at University. Apparently that makes me a ‘bad loser’ at Scrabble.
Continue ReadingHitting on a child: Addin …
Hitting on a child: Adding an ‘s’ on the start doesn’t make it any more legal.
Continue ReadingMirrors don’t lie. Lucky …
Mirrors don’t lie. Lucky for you, they don’t laugh either.
Continue ReadingJust seen the Facebook gr …
Just seen the Facebook group: “All women do is cry and bleed” …And the cooking if she knows what’s good for her.
Continue ReadingI have lost count of all …
I have lost count of all the great comments I get about my abacus.
Continue ReadingMy mate has a dual person …
My mate has a dual personality. He is always running around, hitting people with a sword
Continue ReadingMe and my family love a g …
Me and my family love a good roast on Sundays. Then we all sit down and have dinner.
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