I’ll be Burger King and y …
I’ll be Burger King and you’ll be McDonald’s. I’ll be having it my way and you’ll be loving it!
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I was clinging for dear l …
I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff. As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted “Whatever you do, don’t look down”. So I started smiling.
Continue ReadingHave you heard the one ab …
Have you heard the one about the alphabet woman that ran out of letters? Didn’t think so. She only had i’s for me
Continue ReadingI was listening to my hea …
I was listening to my headphones for the best part of five minutes before I realised I had left my I pod on the bus.
Continue ReadingHI V. Making high 5’s fun …
HI V. Making high 5’s fun since AD 43.
Continue ReadingNatWest have installed th …
NatWest have installed the first ever cash machine in a tree in Epping Forest. If it proves successful, they might open them in other branches.
Continue ReadingA dog goes into a bar, wa …
A dog goes into a bar, walks up to the barman and says “alright mate, pint please.” The barman says “WOW! That’s amazing! Stay there, I have to show you to my friend.” The dog replies “Why, does he need a plumber?”
Continue ReadingI asked Bing what the che …
I asked Bing what the chemical formula was for TNT, and my laptop blew up in my face. I’ll have to use safety Googles next time.
Continue ReadingI complemented my friend …
I complemented my friend on their moustache Now she wont talk to me
Continue ReadingI’m seriously considering …
I’m seriously considering never coming back to Sickipedia. At least that way the texts I get will seem original in 6 month’s time
Continue ReadingWhen my mate said he was …
When my mate said he was taking me to a ‘cat-house’ I didn’t expect to end up in a bin..
Continue ReadingNeil Diamond showed up in …
Neil Diamond showed up in my recommendations on Twitter. I thought, “that’s a hard act to follow.”
Continue ReadingWomen only call me ugly u …
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Continue ReadingPersonally I think I’ve r …
Personally I think I’ve raised my kids really well. That flamethrower made short work of them.
Continue ReadingI was set up on a blind d …
I was set up on a blind date with a girl who was obsessed with the metric system, I couldn’t wait to metre.
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