Patient: “Doctor, doctor! …
Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!” Doctor: “That’s the least of your problems… You have AIDS.”
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I punched a hole in the w …
I punched a hole in the wall earlier. The bank were NOT happy.
Continue ReadingAs the head ranger on the …
As the head ranger on the game farm, I had to tell the boss that the wildebeest were causing havoc. “What’s the matter?” he asked. “Bad gnus” I replied.
Continue ReadingIt’s inappropriate to tel …
It’s inappropriate to tell parents how to raise their kids, unless they are Austrians.
Continue ReadingTraffic alert: For all ve …
Traffic alert: For all vehicles travelling towards worksop on the A35. Please note the A35 doesn’t go to worksop
Continue ReadingAs a male biologist, I re …
As a male biologist, I refuse to work with women. They keep faking organisms.
Continue ReadingIntegers are pointless. …
Integers are pointless.
Continue ReadingThey say that 90 percent …
They say that 90 percent of accidents happen in the home. That’s why I spend most my time round my mates house, just to be on the safe side.
Continue ReadingI was sat on the bus toda …
I was sat on the bus today when a little girl nearby, who had been on the bus for a good hour, said to her mum, “I can’t feel my legs!” I leaned over and asked politely, “Can I?” And that’s when the police got involved.
Continue ReadingMy wife just gave birth t …
My wife just gave birth to our first son after an arduous 23 hour labour. Glad I wasn’t paying her by the hour.
Continue ReadingWhen I was a kid I really …
When I was a kid I really wanted to be a fireman. Turns out I just enjoy breaking down doors with an axe.
Continue ReadingJust got out of the hospi …
Just got out of the hospital. Apparently its called a “Blowfish” for some different reason.
Continue ReadingI’ve been feeling down a …
I’ve been feeling down a little recently, but today I started feeling myself. Probably shouldn’t have done it in Asda though…
Continue ReadingI just got a job in the w …
I just got a job in the web design team for the Italian power company: Powergen. First thing we need to think of is a domain name that will be suitable. It took a while but we finally thought of one and Powergenitalia.com will be up and running in no time.
Continue ReadingI told my wife to go trea …
I told my wife to go treat herself for the day, as I’d won our house a free makeover on the TV show 60 Minute Makeover. When she came back a few hours later, she stepped into the house and broke down in tears. It was at that point I realised I take my jokes […]
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