I was thinking of putting …
I was thinking of putting in an offer to buy Samsonite but I’ve decided it comes with too much baggage.
Continue ReadingI was thinking of putting in an offer to buy Samsonite but I’ve decided it comes with too much baggage.
Continue ReadingI’ve never heard of a Dangerou before but apparently there are loads of them at the zoo. Every other cage has a sign saying: ‘These animals are Dangerous’.
Continue ReadingAn apple a day keeps the doctor away, and a clove of garlic a day keeps everyone away.
Continue ReadingDavid Cameron has pledged to help White Families adopt Black Babies more quickly…Or “Madonna’s Law” as it will be more commonly known
Continue ReadingI just bought a new Satnav, however it isn’t very precise. When I ask it for directions all it ever says is, “Round about now”
Continue ReadingI used to be in stocks and shares, but I lost interest
Continue ReadingI’ll only play snooker with people on condition that I have the first shot. It’s a habit I’ve got to break.
Continue ReadingI was walking in the park earlier when a little Labrador puppy came running up to me. He was so cute that I had to pick him up but his owner screamed at me instantly, “Put him down.” I thought it was strange and harsh but I obliged by smashing the little guy’s head against […]
Continue ReadingLeotard…. A lion with downs syndrome
Continue ReadingI’ve never really had the chance to say this often, so this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this.
Continue ReadingMy wife was preparing lunch today when she asked, “Sweetheart, where’s the cheese grater?” “Some would say France, others would say England,” I replied.
Continue ReadingI haven’t got the guts to tell the people in the “making their own ice” Baileys advert that I urinated on their roof and ontop of their letterbox.
Continue ReadingI broke into my neighbours house and took a bath. I gave myself a hernia getting it down the stairs.
Continue ReadingI’m hosting a panel show later. It’s about fencing.
Continue ReadingIf at first you don’t succeed, you must be using Windows.
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