If you get a bullseye wit …
If you get a bullseye with your first dart and a bullseye with your second dart, what do you get? Gored by a blind bull.
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Apparently the Black Rhin …
Apparently the Black Rhino is more dangerous than the White Rhino. Well there’s a surprise!
Continue ReadingI don’t see why I should …
I don’t see why I should have to sit through depressing films about starving children in Africa, just because it’s Sport Relief. I’m the one paying, surely they should be forced to watch films about how great my life is?
Continue ReadingSomebody closed the lid …
Somebody closed the lid on my piano. Now i can’t open it because the keys are inside.
Continue ReadingI was watching the game w …
I was watching the game with my mate and was shouting, “Shoot! Shoot!… Why didn’t he shoot?” I shook my head, “You’re just pretending that you like cricket aren’t you?”
Continue ReadingJust bought myself a new …
Just bought myself a new French car, it’s very nice but I can’t figure out how to get it out of reverse.
Continue Reading“Shotgun!” I called, smug …
“Shotgun!” I called, smugly, as we walked towards the car. “No, get in the back.” “But I called shotgun!” I protested. “Sir, I’ve had a long day, just get in the back of the police car.”
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend lost her jo …
My girlfriend lost her job for being a stunner. She’s not good looking or anything, just an over aggressive police officer.
Continue ReadingI was learning about grav …
I was learning about gravity the other day. It’s very down to Earth.
Continue ReadingI can’t believe how stupi …
I can’t believe how stupid people were in the Middle Ages, believing in witches and magic. Now excuse me, I have to forward this email, otherwise a dead baby will kill me.
Continue ReadingI was doing some maths ho …
I was doing some maths homework the other day. It derived me mad.
Continue ReadingPoliceman ‘raped women on …
Policeman ‘raped women on duty’ I’ve never been more scared of meeting a bent copper than I am now.
Continue ReadingMon, Tues, Wednes, Thurs, …
Mon, Tues, Wednes, Thurs, Fri, Satur, Sun. I’m taking the day off.
Continue ReadingI met a Chinese gymnast w …
I met a Chinese gymnast who would cartwheel around the bedroom, backflip onto the bed, take her knickers of mid-air and then land, legs open, in front of me on the bed It was a cunning stunt
Continue ReadingDaily Express: “Our litt …
Daily Express: “Our little girl lives with half a brain” Strange name for a partner.
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