When my girlfriend said s …
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.
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Trying to find my way aro …
Trying to find my way around the new gym I accidentally walked into a room full of young children changing. I apologised for the confusion and left. After a few minutes…
Continue ReadingTop Tip For Women – Don’t …
Top Tip For Women – Don’t fart with tights on, it blows your shoes off!
Continue ReadingCaptains log, Star-date 3 …
Captains log, Star-date 3.1415926535. I seem to have a strange urge for Pie today ….?
Continue ReadingMy mom wouldn’t let me re …
My mom wouldn’t let me read or watch Harry Potter when I was little because she thought I would start acting like a Wizard. Stupid muggle has no idea what she’s talking about.
Continue ReadingUniversity is hard. We wo …
University is hard. We work 11 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 2 weeks a year.
Continue ReadingCrimewatch: “If you saw s …
Crimewatch: “If you saw someone with a petrol can like this on the 30th of May 1997, please get in touch and catch this arsonist.” How ridiculous! No-one’s going to remember a petrol can they saw 13 years ago. …because I used Diesel.
Continue ReadingMy argumentative friend w …
My argumentative friend went into PC World, Currys and Comet today and bought every single copy of Microsoft Office. He always has to have the last Word.
Continue ReadingSince my so called father …
Since my so called father told me I was adopted, I’ve been on a search to find my true parents After several months of searching I found out I’m a child of two Vampires I haven’t been able to look at myself in the mirror since.
Continue ReadingCarlsberg don’t do Kronen …
Carlsberg don’t do Kronenbourg. But if they did, they’d probably be the best beer in the world.
Continue ReadingThe Wife asked me last ni …
The Wife asked me last night, “how would you judge the success of a Man?” So of course I said “by the amount of Women he’s banged” Then she said “how would you judge the success of a Woman?” “Well of course by how many sandwiches she’s made” I’m sleeping on the sofa tonight….
Continue ReadingIf the road you’re drivin …
If the road you’re driving down has a lot of potholes, it’s probably a highway.
Continue ReadingWhat do women call mastur …
What do women call masturbation? Finishing the job.
Continue ReadingMSN News: “Andre bessotte …
MSN News: “Andre bessotted with Burke” I thought they split up?
Continue Reading“I’m going to one of thos …
“I’m going to one of those Arab countries for an operation. I need to stop this fluid from coming out of my nose,” I said to my mate. “Qatar?” “No, the doctor says it’s blood.”
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