After smoking for 20 year …
After smoking for 20 years, running for the bus nearly kills me so I’m going to give up. I’ll stick to walking
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
According to statistics 4 …
According to statistics 42 people will die on English roads today. So personally I think they should put 42 murderers, paedophiles –and rapists on a bus and crash it very early in the morning to make roads safer for everybody else for the rest of the day. ——————————– In other news, police are working on […]
Continue ReadingIronically you can only t …
Ironically you can only take diet pill’s with a full stomach.
Continue ReadingOn a Trans-Atlantic ship …
On a Trans-Atlantic ship a captain calls a meeting of his officers: “I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?” “The good news,” replies an officer. “We’ll get eleven Oscars.”
Continue ReadingMy mate reckons it really …
My mate reckons it really easy to make a joke, and that you can make one out of anything these days. “You could easily make a joke out of a Roman Road” he said “It’s not that straight forward” I replied
Continue ReadingMy mate Leroy asked me, ” …
My mate Leroy asked me, “How tall would you say I am?” I thought for a minute or two and said, “5’5 mate”. Just then he pulled out a knife and stabbed me. It just goes to show, my mum was right, “Never under estimate a black man.”
Continue ReadingThey say ‘there’s no such …
They say ‘there’s no such thing as a free lunch’ I beg to differ, literally, I’m a tramp.
Continue ReadingI mistook my teacher for …
I mistook my teacher for a tube worker today. In my defence, the resemblance was striking.
Continue ReadingA lady at the supermarket …
A lady at the supermarket asked me if I’ve ever drunk orange juice with pulp. I said, “No, but I once had coffee with The Bluetones.”
Continue ReadingI had a dream the other n …
I had a dream the other night that I was walking in the dark and I fell in the sea off the coast of Calais. It must have been a night-mer.
Continue ReadingWhen people try to sell m …
When people try to sell me things, I find it very hard to say no. I have a stutter.
Continue ReadingMy wife often says that s …
My wife often says that she wants to change me. But i don’t let her. Im a big boy now and know how to use my special big boy pants.
Continue ReadingMy mate changed his name …
My mate changed his name to Arial Font. He’s always been a bit bold like that.
Continue ReadingAt a recent council meeti …
At a recent council meeting, a local man demanded, “We need to know about the fate of the village!” A councillor said, “It’s on June 14th; there will be a raffle, and many stalls.”
Continue ReadingMy new neighbour came up …
My new neighbour came up to me today and said , “Alright mate , nice to meet you” I said “Hi nice to meet you too” He asked ” Mate , do you know when the dustbin men come?” so I replied ” Yeah tuesday why?” He said “well my wife’s body is starting to […]
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