I got sacked from my job …
I got sacked from my job at the clock factory. I just stood around making faces all day.
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I went on a Haitian’s Fac …
I went on a Haitian’s Facebook. His family pictures were underneath his wall.
Continue ReadingIf life gives you lemons, …
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water pistol and shoot people in the eyes.
Continue ReadingSorry Polar Bears, surviv …
Sorry Polar Bears, survival of the fittest and all that.
Continue ReadingI got in the car with my …
I got in the car with my drug dealer the other day. He drove around slowly, before picking up speed.
Continue ReadingI needed some inspiration …
I needed some inspiration earlier. So I took a deep breath.
Continue ReadingI’m in serious trouble. I …
I’m in serious trouble. I got caught urinating in the shower this morning. It seems they frown on that at B&Q.
Continue ReadingIf got a self centred cat …
If got a self centred cat with a stutter. It’s all me-me-me-meow.
Continue ReadingMy daughter is named Char …
My daughter is named Charlotte but I prefer to call her lotto. Not because it’s shorter just because I have a go on her twice a week.
Continue ReadingI have been called too va …
I have been called too vague by you know who but you know the old saying…
Continue ReadingI’ve come up with more ir …
I’ve come up with more irrelevant similes than a cat on a hot tin roof.
Continue ReadingMy whole world appeared t …
My whole world appeared to have been turned upside down. So I hung the mirror the right way up.
Continue ReadingIs it just me or is every …
Is it just me or is everyone else finding the “ban sickipedia” page on facebook incredibly funny?
Continue ReadingPhonezheimer’s – The affl …
Phonezheimer’s – The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting who you were calling just as they answer.
Continue ReadingI congratulated a toilet …
I congratulated a toilet cubicle earlier. It was recently engaged
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