I wouldn’t touch the impe …
I wouldn’t touch the imperial measuring system with a 3.048m pole.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My Daughter caught me wit …
My Daughter caught me with my trousers down today. It was a leap of faith but she’s suprisingly strong.
Continue ReadingI bought a belt made enti …
I bought a belt made entirely from five pound notes. It was a waist of money.
Continue ReadingI posted a joke about spe …
I posted a joke about speeding yesterday. I got three points.
Continue ReadingI saw this girl, distraug …
I saw this girl, distraught, holding 50 painkillers, threatening to take her life. I was going to intervene and then thought no, she clearly doesn’t have the bottle.
Continue ReadingI got done for weaving th …
I got done for weaving through traffic earlier. I suppose there are more sensible places to knit.
Continue ReadingI like to think I’m the b …
I like to think I’m the best at wasting paper by quite a large margin.
Continue ReadingWhy did the line painter …
Why did the line painter cross the road? Because it was a hatched area.
Continue ReadingIt was getting late last …
It was getting late last night playing scrabble with a couple of girls when I yawned and thought, I’m going to have to catch some zedz soon. And a triple word score or I’m going to lose to this pair of slags.
Continue ReadingI Gotta Feeling… and if …
I Gotta Feeling… and if that feeling has anything to do with Fergies’ outfit then it’s arousal.
Continue ReadingWhen a clock is hungry, i …
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Continue ReadingLast night I told to my m …
Last night I told to my mate that like to I kidnap children and hold them hostage. He was horrified, “How do you sleep at night?” I replied, “On a pile of ransom money, thanks.”
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a shelte …
What do you call a shelter with no roof or walls? Flawed
Continue ReadingI went to a fancy dress p …
I went to a fancy dress party and saw a bloke with what looked like a rabbit hanging out of his mouth: “Nice one” I laughed, “you must be Warren.” “No mate, I’m Dave” he said, “I’ve just got a hare-lip.”
Continue ReadingSepp Blatter is the only …
Sepp Blatter is the only candidate for Fifa President, with his only rival having pulled out after being suspended. I’m sure the world is glad to finally see that Fifa isn’t corrupt at all, with this demonstration of a completely fair election, with no suggestion of blackmail or intimidation.
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