Apple have released a new …
Apple have released a new gadget which enables America to start a war, to cover up stealing oil… It’s called the iRaq.
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I was invited to play gol …
I was invited to play golf by some mates yesterday. Having never played before, they said I would need to buy a club. It’ll be the last time I play though. The shots were very awkward to play, and by the 5th, it kept sliding out my hand as the chocolate melted.
Continue ReadingI’ve been seeing a girl f …
I’ve been seeing a girl from Hiroshima for the last three months. You can say that it’s a kind of radioactive dating.
Continue ReadingI don’t drink. Maybe that …
I don’t drink. Maybe that’s why I’m so thirsty all the time.
Continue ReadingI have sickipedia and fac …
I have sickipedia and facebook next to each other on my favourites and sometimes get them a bit mixed up. Now i have no friends and a warrant out for my arrest.
Continue ReadingA horse walks into a bar …
A horse walks into a bar and asks, “Why the long face?” “What?” asks the confused barman.
Continue ReadingLast week I hosted a char …
Last week I hosted a charity 50’s Rock Theme night for sufferers of Parkinson’s disease. There was a whole lotta shakin goin on
Continue ReadingJust finished reading the …
Just finished reading the yellow pages. It was ok but had way too many characters.
Continue ReadingWhat is it with this new …
What is it with this new face book? Its suggesting I actually talk to people instead of just browse through their photos and have a lurk, that’s a sure fire way to get me deleted, good one facebook.
Continue ReadingAs a large animal vet I w …
As a large animal vet I was asked to make a prosthetic hand device for a grizzly bear. Have I made a faux paw?
Continue ReadingAnimal catapults. Because …
Animal catapults. Because nothing says ‘GET OFF MY LAND!’ like a 70mph cow.
Continue ReadingI was having a packet of …
I was having a packet of kettle crisps with my Stella when the wife says “Why are those crisp bags so big”? I said “they’re made in Norwich you need a bigger bag to get a 6 fingered hand in”
Continue ReadingThe future: like the past …
The future: like the past, except you die in it.
Continue ReadingI invited some mates over …
I invited some mates over for a hog roast the other day. Just as the barbeque was about to be lit, my mate nudged me and said “Dave, I thought you said there was a vegetarian option.” I replied, “What do you think the apple in his mouth is for?”
Continue ReadingI came out of Woolworths …
I came out of Woolworths the other day and saw a scruffy bloke.He was playing the guitar and singing, “When I was young, seemed like life was so wonderful, a miracle, it was beautiful, magical.” I said, “That’s Supertramp”, he said, “Ah thanks very much”.
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