My Gran always use to say …
My Gran always use to say be nice to people on the way up because you might meet them on the way down. That’s why I became a window cleaner.
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2 cats were talking when …
2 cats were talking when the female said, “Just look at all these bills we’ve got to pay and we’ve got no money whatsoever.” The male cat replied, “Yes, our finances look bad now, but just remember, we always land on our feet.”
Continue ReadingDid you hear? The voice a …
Did you hear? The voice actor that plays Ben10 has a tumour. Thankfully it’s Ben9.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Baby P? Baby P had more hits before he died.
Continue ReadingI’m Windows 7, and the T- …
I’m Windows 7, and the T-600 was my idea.
Continue ReadingWhat’s hairy and blessed? …
What’s hairy and blessed? Brian.
Continue ReadingMy son told me he’s been …
My son told me he’s been getting bullied at school. In preparation of dealing with the situation, he came to me for advice. “Son”, I said. “The only thing I can say to you is look before you leap. Poor planning could leave you in a lot of pain. You need to land head-first for […]
Continue ReadingI learnt a very important …
I learnt a very important lesson over Christmas. It doesn’t matter what gifts you get.. Because nothing will please her.
Continue ReadingIt’s all that woman’s fau …
It’s all that woman’s fault I fell into the waste water system. Maybe I should sewer.
Continue ReadingI live in london,but my m …
I live in london,but my mum didn’t want me going to school there because of all the jamaicans. She isnt racist,she just thought i deserved a chance at winning something on sports day
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend told me I w …
My girlfriend told me I was a selfish lover. I said, “well, your mother did warn you.”
Continue ReadingSurely memory foam mattre …
Surely memory foam mattresses should remind you what her name is?
Continue ReadingA guy walks up to a girl …
A guy walks up to a girl in a bar: -“Please allow me to introduce myself… John Snow! Whats your name gorgeous?” -“Summer” -“How would you like to be on the front cover of tomorrows paper?” -“How would that happen?” -“I can already see the headlines… ’10 inches of Snow in Summer’”
Continue ReadingI have invented a new fiz …
I have invented a new fizzy fruit drink that you can wash your hands with. It’s called Sani-Tizer.
Continue ReadingMy mates taking part in a …
My mates taking part in a spontaneous combustion contest. I think he’ll win, he’s on fire at the moment.
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