Category: wordplay

Green tea: Nowhere near as fun as it sounds.

I saw a fat bird trying to get into Burger King today. But pigeons can’t open doors.

As I left my house this morning, I was bombarded with a white, powdery condiment, and was quite seriously harmed. I thought, ‘Surely this is some form of a salt?’

Lots of things we didn’t know about our dad came out at the trial. He was clandestinely doing woodwork and abusing young girls in his shed. He had a secret vice no one knew about.

I’ve decided to get an ear ring. Getting a job in a noisy environment should do the trick.

I fully endorse the roll out of the new ‘Bullet Trains’, which will run from Kent to London. Personally, I believe dodging AK-47 shots should make the commute to work far less dull.

The best thing about having a cripple for a wife is that I can always do whatever I want. She never stands in my way.

My mate had a horrible accident in a car with a faulty steering wheel. He lost control as it turned out.

The waitress in this restaurant just smiled and winked. Both of our tips just went up.

For a joke, a friend of mine sprayed me with a liquid that turned quickly turned into a vapour that was dangerous to inhale. I was fuming.

I’ve been trying to establish my Mum’s secret fajita recipe but it’s proving very difficult. It’s being kept under wraps.

I’m a big fan of tie-dye, or “kidnapping and murder”, as the police call it.

I’ve never had very good leadership skills. Which is probably why a Labrador is my supervisor.

I take a bit of pride in my job as a lion thief.

My Dad demanded to know what happened when my little brother tried to make my face into an envelope. But I couldn’t tell him. My lips were sealed.