Serena Williams: “I was l …
Serena Williams: “I was literally on my deathbed.” So you’re giving this interview through a seance, are you?
Continue ReadingSerena Williams: “I was literally on my deathbed.” So you’re giving this interview through a seance, are you?
Continue ReadingMy Girlfriend says I’m incapable of keeping good hygiene. I’ll show’er.
Continue ReadingA guy came into my gym today. I couldn’t believe it. I never thought Jim would ever cheat on me.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend left me because I over-romanticise everything. In fact, I remember the day she left. She opened the front door and an ethereal light illuminated the darkened house, my love was then lifted by the wings of a hundred angels and carried to the heavens, for God knew her beauty was too great for […]
Continue ReadingIf your blow up doll’s talking back to you… Puncture.
Continue ReadingI struggled to lift a bottle of water earlier. It was an Evian.
Continue ReadingBombs are said to be the cause of over 100 deaths every five minutes. Just thought i’d throw that one out there.
Continue ReadingI’m going to open up a pub exclusively for rapists, and name it ‘The Fawcett Inn’
Continue ReadingTwo people have been seriously injured. The other four were just jokingly hurt.
Continue ReadingI tried to open some vowels and climb inside them, but it was dangerous. Ended up in A&E.
Continue ReadingI’m really worried because I’ve been unable to get hold of my wife for hours. Soon it’ll be daylight and someone is bound to see me struggling with the body.
Continue ReadingI hate when Barry White comes to my dinner parties. He really lowers the tone.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been caught trying to smuggle twelve cases of fortified wine in to the country, I’m worried I might be deported.
Continue ReadingI hate people who use long words they don’t actually understand the meaning of. They’re such oxymorons.
Continue ReadingGot my oral exam out of the way this morning. There seemed to be a bit of confusion at the start, just as I unzipped him, he started speaking french.
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