Category: stupid

I was stranded on a desert island when a black cat crossed my path. “More bad luck” I thought. “Now I definitely won’t find anything to eat!”

A policeman pulled me over earlier, he asked me if my car had been checked. I told him no, it had always been yellow…..

There’s some stupid people about. I’m selling my camera on Ebay… and people keep asking me to send them photo’s of it.

I was visiting the Bishop, when the Archbishop turned up. Somehow, I don’t quite trust him.

I had a seeded roll for lunch today but I didn’t have to cut it. I just said, “Open Sesame.”

There are very tense scenes at the World Speed Perm finals. At the moment, it’s two sets each.

My wife doesn’t know much about football. This morning, she asked me, “What was the England score?” I said, “0-0.” She said, “Oh. What was the score at half time?”

My fat wife just came into the living room and proudly announced she’s gone from a size 18 to a size 16. I had no idea her feet were that big in the first place.

My dwarf friend said for Christmas he wouldn’t mind something to hang his coats on. So I’ve bought him a wooden mug tree.

I’ll never forget what my late wife said to me. “Sorry I’m late.”

If it’s a random breath test, why do they always pick the driver?

“Why do you always look at me like I’m something the cat dragged in?” Asked the severely dishevelled mouse.

I don’t like to brag but the hooligan that picked a fight with me down at the pub wound up with a broken nose and 2 fractured ribs After the ambulance that was taking me to the hospital accidentally backed over her.

The Government are introducing English tests for immigrants coming to the UK from outside the EU, applicants will have to have a “basic command of English” before being granted a visa. If you start every sentence without a capital letter, don’t know the difference between their and they’re, haven’t got a clue where to put […]

“Don’t give the baby a paper clip!” the wife shouted at me. “He’ll swallow it!” “It’s OK, I’ve got hundreds,” I retorted.