Category: stupid

In college, they used to call me “The Janitor” …because I was the janitor.

After jogging on the spot for 10 minutes I turned to my girlfriend and said…. “This just isn’t working babe. Why don’t you squeeze it with your fingers like normal people”

Last night I broke the record as the roughest DJ.

I’m fed up of my friends laughing at me because I’m unintelligent. Whatever that means.

I like strangling myself with vegetables whilst looking at paintings I call it the artichoke

3 drunk guys boarded a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he decided to take advantage of them. He started the engine and turned it off again. He told them, “We’ve reached our destination.” The first guy paid him the cab fare, and the second guy said, “Thank you.” The third […]

Tattoos are like cats. First you get one, then you get more and more and when you finally want to get rid of them you have to use a laser

I walked out of Tesco and a guy collecting money said, “Would you like to help feed the hungry today?” I said, “Yes. That’s why I just went shopping.”

I saw a muslim explode in a shopping mall after sneezing He must be achoo bomber

My girlfriends like a bike. I Stole her outside tesco.

Love is blind. Hate is deaf. You would think Stupid would be mute, but I just keep talking.

I turned up 5 hours late for work today. “Sorry boss,” I panted. “My brother gave me a lift in.” “And?” He snarled. “He’s a milk man,” I replied.

I just got back from the local flea market in town. All I bought was a pair of tiny jumping boots.

Vogons are slow, shambling creatures whose sole aim in life is to squeeze all joie de vivre out of people. No, wait. Not Vogons. Vegans.

I got told to wear black dress for my wifes funeral. Yet I got killer looks when I turned up in my black dress