Category: animals/insects

I asked for chicken drummers, and I was given pieces of chicken in breadcrumbs? Where are the feathery musicians I requested?

As a farmer, I really hate people who steal my animals. They really get my goat.

Just bought a new pair of boxer shorts. I spoil that dog something rotten.

I’ve been doing lots of work on the effects of smoking on monkeys The sole conclusion I’ve drawn is that they look cooler than the none smoking monkeys.

I bought some dog biscuits yesterday. Labrador flavour.

Zebras are serious animals. They’re very black and white about things.

I bought my dog a new ‘anti-ageing’ dog lead. He’s got a new leash of life.

What’s the fastest animal in the world? A hamster if you throw it hard enough!

Scared of spiders? Do what I do.. Imagine them all naked

I dreamt I was being eaten by a cat last night. Must have been Freddy Cougar

Dogs Trust never put a healthy dog down. so what do they do if they’ve got a cold?

What do you call an adolescent rabbit? A Pubic Hare

I just hoovered up three flies, then spilled some protein powder a minute later and hoovered THAT up. This could end badly.

Where do cows buy their clothes? A Cattle Logue

How can you tell if an elephant has been sleeping in your bed?! The sheets are wrinkled and the bed smells of peanuts! How can you tell if a black man has been sleeping in your bed?! Your bedroom window is smashed and your valuables are missing,