My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really...
She was attacked by a giant crab.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror?
Try breaking a condom.
*Food hits floor*
Little Germs: 'Let's get it!'
King Germ: 'No, we must wait 5 seconds!'
Statistically, 13 out of 13 triskaidekaphobics will be scared of this joke.
Astrology: because millions of planets and stars have spent billions of years lining themselves up just to let her know that she'll "meet someone with nice eyes today."
It is a little known fact that the Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle.
Until one side mysteriously disappeared.
Easiest job in the world - Muslim psychic
"I'm getting an 'M'...... Does the name 'Mohammed' mean anything to anyone in the room?"
My mate asked me if I believed in reincarnation.
I said, "Absolutely. Ever since my wife died I feel like I've been born again."
I want you all to know that this will be my last joke on here because I am going to die at midnight tonight as a result of not forwarding chain mail.
Well, I seem to have got through Friday the 13th without anything bad happening to me.
My wife, on the other hand, has had a shocking day. She died in a car accident.