Dear Walkers Crisps,
Your crisps are really tasty. When will you be making a full bag?
My mate told me that I just don't understand irony.
Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.
My mate just said to me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"
I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime and beat him to death; the round of applause he'd get would be astounding."
I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'.
You probably saw our posters.
Just finished reading the fifth book in the "learning to count" trilogy.
I've just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible.
I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself.
At the start of the exam, the invigilator says, "You have exactly 2 hours. I will not accept any papers after this time has elapsed."
Two hours later, the invigilator calls out, "Time's up, Ladies and Gentlemen."
One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later when the invigilator has all the collected papers in a large stack front of him. Slowly, the student finishes up and walks over to hand in his paper, but the invigilator refuses to accept it. The student puffs up his chest and says:
"Do you have any idea who I am?"
"No," says the invigilator.
"Great," says the student as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack.
What's green and smells like yellow paint?
I took this personality test on the internet, and it said... "Describe yourself in one word."
I answered, "Not good at following instructions."
I am in the army and my sergeant said to me, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!"
To which I replied, "Oh, thank you very much, sir!"