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Submitted by: nila

"Stationary shop moves".....

Submitted by: nila

I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a 'bag for life'. I said, "No thanks, I'm already married."

Submitted by: nila

A man went into a supermarket, got 3 cans of dog food, and walked up to the checkout.
The cashier asks the man, "Sir, do you own a dog?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have the dog with you?"
The man replies, "No, I left it at home."
The cashier then says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this dog food unless I see your dog."
A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout.
The same cashier asks, "Sir, do you own a cat?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have your cat with you?"
And the man replies, "No, I left it at home."
Then the cashier says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this cat food unless I see your cat."
A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag. He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag.
The cashier says, "It feels warm, soft, and gooey."
The man then says, "Now, can I go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?"

Submitted by: nila

They've got a special on down Tesco. He's working the trolleys.

Submitted by: nila

Cash4Gold just sent me 350 for a lump of iron pyrite.
Fools.

Submitted by: nila

I went into my local newsagents and I saw that he had put up a big sign saying, "NO READING IN THIS SHOP"
I grabbed 4 bars of chocolate, took them to the counter and said, "Which of these is the Dairymilk?"

Submitted by: nila

Was walking in the Tesco entrance earlier to get my weekly shopping, when I read their motto, 'Why Pay More?'
"Good point," I thought... "Asda it is then."

Submitted by: nila

Good gag for next time you're on an airplane and the fella next to you falls asleep:
Ask the stewardess to borrow her demonstration mask, put it on and shake him awake with an alarmed look on your face.

Submitted by: nila

I went to the Video Shop the other day. I said, "Can I take out Batman Forever?"
They said, "No, you have to bring it back tomorrow."

Submitted by: nila

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