I have a dream: a dream that, one day, chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
"The greatest thing about the internet, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." - George Washington.
My wife accused me of being self-important.
I nearly fell off my throne.
I saw a bloke being completely henpecked by his girlfriend on The Jeremy Kyle Show.
You could really see who wears the tracksuit bottoms in their relationship.
My motto is "Never say never."
Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.
TEIAM - problem solved
I was at a very awkward party last night in an Igloo.
I tried to break the ice, but it just made things worse.
This has to be the best day of the year so far!
I smacked a Paki on the head with a hammer yesterday at 12:00.
Bang on the dot.
What's the difference between Tango and Rohypnol?
You know when you've been Tangoed.