I have a dream: a dream that, one day, chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.

Submitted by: nila

"The greatest thing about the internet, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." - George Washington.

Submitted by: nila

My wife accused me of being self-important.
I nearly fell off my throne.

Submitted by: nila

I saw a bloke being completely henpecked by his girlfriend on The Jeremy Kyle Show.
You could really see who wears the tracksuit bottoms in their relationship.

Submitted by: nila

My motto is "Never say never."
Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.

Submitted by: nila

TEIAM - problem solved

Submitted by: nila

I was at a very awkward party last night in an Igloo.
I tried to break the ice, but it just made things worse.

Submitted by: nila

This has to be the best day of the year so far!

Submitted by: nila

I smacked a Paki on the head with a hammer yesterday at 12:00.
Bang on the dot.

Submitted by: nila

What's the difference between Tango and Rohypnol?
You know when you've been Tangoed.

Submitted by: nila

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