I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!

Submitted by: nila

Get my coat, you've pulled a chauvinist.

Submitted by: nila

Are all girls claustrophobic? It's like every single one freaks out when they're locked in the boot of a car.

Submitted by: nila

Bit disappointed that my Amish online dating site hasn't taken off yet.

Submitted by: nila

I was once abducted by aliens. They made me wipe my face, blow my nose and eat my greens.
I think I was on board the mothership.

Submitted by: nila

I can tell whether someone likes strangers staring at them or not just by looking at them.

Submitted by: nila

Who does Death think he is? Coming over here, taking our Jobs.

Submitted by: nila

1st Brummie: - "Have you seen The Voice?"
2nd Brummie: - "Course I 'ave, it's on the bench in me shed next to me woodworking tools.

Submitted by: nila

Do you know that because your tongue shares muscles with your intercostal muscles it's impossible to stick your tounge out and breath heavily at the same time?
Good boy.

Submitted by: nila

My girlfriend never went that 'Extra Mile' for me. So I got a Restraining Order, now she has to.

Submitted by: nila

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