"How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock?" asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
"It's okay," he replies, "but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his head on the wall."
"Never you mind," says his mother, "don't you let them get to you, just ignore them."
"Aye, that I do," he says, "I just keep playing my bagpipes."

Submitted by: nila

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Submitted by: nila

What's the one word beginning with N and ending with R that you don't want to call a black person?
"Neighbour!"

Submitted by: nila

Ever since those so called Obamas have got in, I keep reading about how they're going to be the next Kennedys.
As far as I'm concerned, no one can replace Karl and Susan from Neighbours.

Submitted by: nila

I just got skylights put in my place.
The woman upstairs is furious.

Submitted by: nila

My next door Neighbour's Daughter said that when she gets older she wants to marry me. I was touched.
A few minutes later, so was she.

Submitted by: nila

The girl next door has beautiful soft skin.
I'm wearing it right now.

Submitted by: nila

If I ever win the lottery, all of my neighbours are going to be so rich!
I'm going to move to a rich neighbourhood.

Submitted by: nila

Ok, so my neighbours officially hate me. Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbour's house was on fire!
Well, when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever..
Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Talk about bad timing...

Submitted by: nila

My neighbours have been listening to music all night! I love my stereo.

Submitted by: nila

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