If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills.
I should be fine.
If vampires can't see their reflections, how come their hair is always so neat?
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"See you next month!"
After watching a few zombie films I've come to the conclusion that I would be a cameraman in the event of a zombie-apocalypse.
They never seem to attack them.
I bet Dracula does all his shopping online, just so he can keep clicking on 'Your Account'.
I was watching Twilight the other day and I'd have to say my favourite scene by far was about 21 minutes and 38 seconds in, when my electricity ran out.
He doesn't bite people, he looks like he resides in the woods, and he sparkles. Face it, he's not a real vampire. He's a fairy.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Turns out that smashing a stake through a vampire's heart works, even if your wife's not a vampire.
A vampire walks into a bar, "Pint of blood, landlord." he says. The barman gives him his order.
A second vampire walks into the bar, "Pint of your finest blood, please." he says. Again, the barman pours his order.
A third vampire walks into the bar and says, "A mug of hot water, barman."
The barman looks puzzled at the vampire, and asks, "Why would you want that? We serve the finest blood in all town!"
The vampire then held up a used tampon and answered, "I'm making tea."