My local magician can slow his heartbeat down until it stops.
But, to tell the truth, he only managed to pull it off once.

Submitted by: nila

The Hogwarts episode of Cribs is the worst. Every room they went in, someone says, "This is where the magic happens."

Submitted by: nila

Convincing a dog that I really threw the ball is the closest I'll ever get to being a magician.

Submitted by: nila

Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.

Submitted by: nila

An amateur magician accidentally turns his wife into a settee and his two kids into armchairs. He starts to panic. He tries every trick in book but none work so, in desperation, he decides to take them to hospital.
Once at casualty, the magician spends a sleepless night while the medical staff run numerous tests on the unfortunate woman and children.
Finally, the head doctor comes out into the corridor to speak to the magician.
"How are my family?" he asks worriedly, "are they alright?"
The doctor replies, "they're comfortable..."

Submitted by: nila

Two dragons go into a pub.
The first says, "It's hot in here isn't it?"
The other replies, "Shut your mouth."

Submitted by: nila

BBC News: Walker, 68, found dead in Italy.
Walking and dead at the same time? Impressive. Your move David Blaine.

Submitted by: nila

My Maths teacher told me two negatives make a positive.
So I told her she's fat and ugly.

Submitted by: nila

In my act as a street magician, I line up women, blindfold them then rub their fannies menacingly before running off.
More the fool them for trusting David Cop a Feel.

Submitted by: nila

I was fired from my job as a children's magician today...
Apparently, when I make the kids disappear, I also have to make them re-appear.

Submitted by: nila

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