I won a tidy sum on the lottery and gave my homeless brother a new home.
It was the box from my new 65" TV.
I won the Lottery last night.
I haven't told the wife yet, I can't use my phone on the plane.
Can you believe it?
This guy wins 181m lottery on Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just two days later. Talk about luck!
What's better than winning the lottery?
Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.
Imagine winning 161 million in the lottery, you could buy anything you ever wanted.
Except a neck.
My mate said, "If I won 161 million on the lottery, I'd buy Greece for a laugh."
I said, "What would you spend the other 160 million on?"
My mate asked me, "What's the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?"
I replied, "Collect the winnings."
My son asked me if I would buy him a new bike.
I said: "Son, if you really want something in life you have to work for it."
Then I told him to be quiet because they were just about to announce the lottery numbers
They say there's more chance of dying on the way to place the lottery than actually winning.
That's why I always send my wife.
For the first time in ten years I didn't manage to make it to the newsagent to put my lottery numbers on yesterday, and would you believe it... saved myself a quid.