Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention.
"If I gave you 20," she began, "and you gave 5 to Mary, 5 to Sally and 5 to Susan, what would you have?"
Johnny thought about this and then answered, "An orgy?"
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
Johnny: I is..
Teacher: No, that's not correct Johnny. You should always say, 'I am.'
Johnny: Okay, 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet.
"Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."
"Good, Johnny. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said.
"Three," replied little Johnny.
"Very good. What comes after five, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Six," answered little Johnny.
"Excellent. Your dad did a very good job.
Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.
"A Jack!" replied little Johnny.
A Concerned mother warns her little boy, "don't look at naked women or you'll turn to stone."
Johnny loved his mother, and as such decided not to look at naked women.
But one day johhny and his friend were walking along a beach, and saw a woman sunbathing naked. Johnny remembered what his mother said, and turned and ran away from the woman. his friend finally catches up to him and asks why he ran.
Johnny told his friend what his mother said, and then added, "and it must be true, because when i saw that woman I felt myself going rock hard in my trousers
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey, Dad! What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."
My teacher said, "If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier."
I said, "I don't know about that Miss. Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder."
Teaching an English lesson, the teacher wrote on the board, fully aware of the grammar errors:
"I ain't had no fun in months"
"Now, how should I correct this sentence."
"Get a new boyfriend," said Little Johnny.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Little Johnny goes over to little Billy's house and rings the bell.
His mother answers and Johnny asks if Billy can come and play war in the street with his friends.
Billy's mother says to Johnny, "You know Billy doesn't have any arms or legs."
Johnny replies, "I know, but we want to use him as a sandbag."