A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.
A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.
There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."
"No, a straw," says the Tramp.
The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.
To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Unbelievable. Tories in power for less than half an hour and already a Scottish family is unemployed and homeless.
A homeless guy just approached me asking for change.
I said, "Oh yeah, pal, asking me for money but I see you can afford those trendy jeans with the rips in."
I volunteered to do a stint in a soup kitchen.
At closing time, they get quite resentful when you say, "Come on, some of us have got homes to go to."
I was gonna give my change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said "ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU."
So I held onto it, just in case he was right.
Why did the tramp cross the road?
To get to the other Cider.
What is the best thing about dating a "homeless" woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Has anyone else noticed the irony that the preferred drink of London's Homeless community is called Tenants.
I always try and date homeless girls.
It's easier to get them to stay over.