The girl at the RyanAir check-in desk said, "Window or aisle?"
I replied, "Window or you'll what?"
I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage.
I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer.
He said, "You don't have much of a case."
I was arguing with the wife about holidays the other day.
I want to go to Morocco, she wants to come with me.
My wife's going on a vacation to 'get a break from my constant jealousy'.
I wish I was going on a vacation..
No one ever mentions the 1000 miles of trouble free luxury cruising before the iceberg.....
After a terrible six year battle with cancer, my wife lay on her deathbed. Unfortunately I could not make out her last words.
You don't get a very good signal in the Caribbean and the jet ski was a little loud.
I once went on an 18-30 holiday, which was fun, but 12yrs is just too long.
My wife and I just had a blazing argument over the phone.
She's accusing me of being a money waster and now she's genuinely worried that the kids will miss out this Christmas.
It's put a real dampener on my trip to Las Vegas.
A young guy turns up at a hotel reception:
"I'd like a single room, please."
"Certainly, sir," says the receptionist. "With bath or shower?"
The guy is a bit short of cash, so he asks, "What's the difference?"
"You have to stand in the shower," says the receptionist.
Lying on the beach this girl asked me to spray her back.
Bit of a misunderstanding and now I'm in police custody