What do you get if you drop a bag of Maltesers at a Weight Watchers meeting?
A real life game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.
My blood test results said my blood had zero antigens.
I thought that must be a typo.
My Grandad always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day, while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my Grandad.
I eat an apple every day.
The wife's a doctor.
I was standing in the bus queue the other day behind a pregnant lady.
Trying to appear friendly, I asked her, "When are you due?"
It was then that I realised that she wasn't pregnant, just really fat, but luckily I managed to cover my tracks by adding, "...for another snack?"
Obesity in America is escalating...
It's too lazy to take the stairs.
I have a friend who is always being taunted because he is fat.
I asked him how he doesn't get upset by all the nasty remarks, and he said he takes it on the chin.
I wonder which chin he takes it on?
Good health is just the slowest way to die.
I'm sick of people telling me I'm a weakling so tonight I went to the gym.
After a light warm up, I steadied myself, put both hands on the metal bar and heaved with all my might. I strained and I strained but still, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get it to budge.
Eventually one of the burly staff members came over and said... "Stop pulling on the door mate, we're closed."
What do call a chip pan in Glasgow containing no chips?