I was carefully examining my tomato plants looking for caterpillar tracks.
When I got run over by a tank.

Submitted by: nila

What have Gardening tools and People got in common?
The Hoes are always with the Spades.

Submitted by: nila

My wife said she's leaving me because of my unhealthy obsession with plants. I said where's this stemming from petal?

Submitted by: nila

Here in Britain, men go down to the garden shed to get away from the kids and their mother.

Submitted by: nila

Whenever I need help with my gardening, I just go out in my short skirt, bend over to pick some weeds and soon enough I've loads of helpers.

Submitted by: nila

I hate my part time job as a leaf blower, the pay is terrible.
But if I was a gardener, I would be raking it in.

Submitted by: nila

I was watching UK Border Force last night.
The team was in Dover and they put in a nice selection of bedding plants and a small box hedge.

Submitted by: nila

I was gardening when I saw I had left an empty patch.
So i put a rose bush there thinking 'Thistle do'

Submitted by: nila

What is the difference between a shovel and a spade?
The Americans did not elect a shovel as president in 2008

Submitted by: nila

I heard about people talking to their plants so I went out and bought one.
I haven't watered it for a week now.
Oh it'll talk. Eventually.

Submitted by: nila

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