What's soft and slippery?
A slipper.

Submitted by: nila

I bought a new necklace earlier that made my skin go a funny blue colour so I suspected it was a rip off.
Turns out it was a 24ct gold bracelet.

Submitted by: nila

When David Beckham scored for England, all the kids wanted Beckham haircuts.
Sorry, Lescott, but I can't see this catching on.

Submitted by: nila

Newcastle United's new away strip looks just like a deck chair. Ironically, there will be thousands of them at Blackpool next season.

Submitted by: nila

Standing in line behind an American woman at McDonald's. She's wearing those jeans, you know the ones with the patch on the back pocket that says " Guess".
I'm thinking 450, maybe 500 pounds.

Submitted by: nila

I asked the missus this morning what size she is, as I was buying her Christmas presents
She told me she was a size 10.
The trouble I had getting shoes in her size!

Submitted by: nila

Brantano customers. Throw your purchases away and wear the boxes instead. They'll be harder-wearing, more stylish and better fitting.

Submitted by: nila

I've booked an appointment with my tailor to shorten the length of my trousers.
I hope he turns up.

Submitted by: nila

French connection UK.
Offending dyslexics since 2001

Submitted by: nila

Cesc Fabregas has secured a new sponsorship deal since his move to Barcelona
A 5 year deal with bench.

Submitted by: nila

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