Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there.
I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.

Submitted by: nila

Was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill.
People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

Submitted by: nila

I have finally figured out why the missus is so fat: the shampoo she uses in the shower, that runs down her body, clearly says, "for extra volume and body."
I'm going to recommend she uses dishwashing soap instead; it says, "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Submitted by: nila

Treadmills get you nowhere.

Submitted by: nila

I made the mistake of buying a running machine the other day....
Haven't seen it since.

Submitted by: nila

Every morning I have a 2 mile run before breakfast.
I keep forgetting to buy milk.

Submitted by: nila

My friend Kevin is obese and has a lot of trouble holding down jobs so I help him out from time to time.
I however am quite skinny and have a lot of trouble holding down girls so he helps me out from time to time.
That's what friends are for.

Submitted by: nila

I went to the gym today worked out for one hour and ended up gaining twenty pounds.
Some idiot left the key in his locker.

Submitted by: nila

So Kenny Dalglish says he hasn't discussed targets at Liverpool yet.
Surely telling the team that they are the big square netty things at each end called goals would be a good start?

Submitted by: nila

Aimed at overweight Americans, a re-make of the long running British television show has been commissioned for the BBC.
"Gym'll Fix It" starts next week.

Submitted by: nila

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