I've decided to make money writing dieting books.
I'm told they appeal to a very wide audience.

Submitted by: nila

I went on a diet recently, came off drinking and heavy eating.
In fourteen days I've lost exactly two weeks.

Submitted by: nila

I walked in the pub yesterday and I couldn't help but notice a guy sat at the bar scribbling on some paper and laughing hysterically.
"Why are you so happy?" I asked.
"My wife's been on a diet for the last 4 days, and she's lost 5 pounds." the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?" I asked.
"Well," he says "I've worked out that in 4 months, she will have disappeared completely!"

Submitted by: nila

An American father says to his son, "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
Son replies, "Diet."

Submitted by: nila

I've been doing really well on my diet recently, but the other day I ate a 50p coin. People keep saying to me "You look like you've put on half a pound..."

Submitted by: nila

Can someone please tell fat women that skin tight jeans are a fashion statement not a challenge

Submitted by: nila

What does a diet and a black man have in common?
They don't work.

Submitted by: nila

Diets..
They're for people who are thick and tired of it.

Submitted by: nila

Its probably not a good sign when you step on your Wii Fit board and it says,
1 Player at a time please

Submitted by: nila

To gain weight, takeaway Pizza. To lose weight, take away Pizza.

Submitted by: nila

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