"Mummy, Mummy, the kids at school say I'm a freak"
"Shut up and comb your face"
A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing.
"Officer," he asks, "have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?"
"No, I haven't. What's the problem?"
"The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!"
"Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asked.
"Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand."
Men who have six pack abs and care about them very much, will cover them in a thick layer of fat.
I saw the woman who's in that wrinkle removal cream advert at a party. I asked her what her secret really is.
"I'm twenty two", she said.
Today my boss told me my facial hair is bad for business,
Nothing's been said by any of the other escorts though.
My wife has become so fat, I said to her
"You are starting to look like my ex-wife".
"But you only have ever been married to me". She replied
"Yes, I know"
Some women bleach the hairs on their upper lip to become more attractive...
Does anyone actually find a blonde moustache on a woman attractive?
They say that diamonds are a girls best friend. I would have thought that a packet of tampons on a heavy day might at least have got an honorable mention.
I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.
I just asked out a girl i've known for years and i'm distraught. The most attractive person you could ever meet, eyes that you can't help but stare into, wit that could get everyone laughing, an unmatched smile that could warm anyones heart.
Why she turned that down i dont know.