My mate hung himself in a modern art gallery.
It was three weeks before anyone noticed.
At the Last Supper, how come no one sat at the other side of the table?
I've developed a foolproof technique any of you can use to sculpt a model of an elephant.
1. Get a huge block of marble.
2. Chip away anything that doesn't look like an elephant.
As a painter, I'm proud to say some of my work can be seen in the National Gallery.
I did the skirting boards.
Salvador Dali walks into a fish and orders a pint of stamps.
The barman says, "Why the bicycle wheel?"
I think I have a photographic memory...
...All the people in my head have red eyes.
Abstract erotic art...
...It's the shape of things to come.
An artist tried to concentrate on his painting, but the attraction he felt for his nude model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her. She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said, "but I'm not that kind of girl!"
"Actually, I've never tried to kiss any of my models before," he protested.
"Really?" she asked, softening. "How many models have there been?"
"Four so far," he replied, thinking back. "A jug, two apples and a vase."
I found an old unframed oil painting in my loft yesterday of a beautiful naked lady
so i mounted it
My girlfriend insisted on going to the art gallery so I went along with it and after an hour looking at pictures I called her over and said, "What about this one?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, it's the best one I've seen yet."
"If you don't want to be here, then leave."
"When did I say that?"
"When you called me over to look at the EXIT sign."