I was cleaning my house t …
I was cleaning my house this morning using a latino and a tinned ham. My house is spic ‘n’ spam now.
Continue ReadingI was cleaning my house this morning using a latino and a tinned ham. My house is spic ‘n’ spam now.
Continue ReadingMy wife said I was too formal. I suggested she put that in writing and I’d reply by return of post.
Continue ReadingI was going to write a story about the march I went on at the weekend but I can’t. I’ve got rioters block.
Continue ReadingApparently there’s a new motion picture currently in production which will tell the story of a large carton of organic free-range eggs. It’s to be called The Dirty Dozen.
Continue ReadingMy sister is really into two things. 1. Exaggerating 2. Fat guys. So really just blowing things out of proportion.
Continue ReadingI fantasise about sawing the top of the skull off a woman then giving her a Roman shower. Which is sick in the head.
Continue ReadingAs a therapist, I’ve found that the most difficult patients are magicians. They never reveal their secrets.
Continue ReadingEverytime I look in the mirror, I get a real shock. But that’s me.
Continue ReadingIf you win the X-factor, you’ll churn out Factor Y music for the rest of your career.
Continue ReadingI just bought the remastered edition of Roots. What a rip-off; the slaves are still free in the end.
Continue ReadingSo, Harold Camping predicted the world would end yesterday. Not to rub it in Harold, but what am I doing now?
Continue ReadingI used to keep poking myself in my eyes, but don’t worry, I can’t see myself doing it again
Continue ReadingMy depression has forced me to move house to The Fens. My life has reached a new low.
Continue ReadingOur book club challenged us to read a 1000 page book in a day. I chose the Greater London road atlas. I’m streets ahead of the rest
Continue ReadingI like to tell people exactly how many volts my stun gun outputs, just for the shock value.
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