Stubbed my toe at midnigh …
Stubbed my toe at midnight last night, started off 2012 on a bad foot
Continue ReadingStubbed my toe at midnight last night, started off 2012 on a bad foot
Continue ReadingI missed my bus this morning. I really shouldn’t get so sentimental about public transport.
Continue ReadingIt helps to be optimistic if you’re a smoker. That way, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Continue ReadingIt is a well known fact that eventually, birthdays kill us. Especially when a stick of dynamite is used instead of a candle.
Continue ReadingLast night I was at a party for brittle bone disease sufferers. Breakdancing was the norm.
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to move to Saudi Arabia to open a bar that sells only milk sheikh’s
Continue ReadingThe local paedophile was arrested for washing and cutting children’s hair. Police say he was grooming them.
Continue ReadingA woman came round to the flat today to buy my vibrator. I buzzed her in.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend told me that I’m too violent and that I ‘treat her like an object’ So, in an effort to prove her wrong, I punched her in the face. Which kind of defeated the object.
Continue ReadingMy brother and I were seeing all these Pope jokes come up and wondered how many more months they would drag on for. He suddenly shouted – “Let’s have a sweepstake”. I replied “Its not the time to be thinking of eating Sooty’s friend”.
Continue ReadingThe other day i was at a restaurant and a waiter challenged me to a rap battle I got served
Continue ReadingI saw a woman stood in her flooded front room crying. I thought, “If anything, you’re just making it worse.”
Continue Reading“Daddy, when I grow up I want to be a pharmacist!” my daughter exclaimed. “Why on earth would she want to be a helper on a farm?” I thought to myself
Continue ReadingMy door-bell went this morning. That’s the third time this week it’s been nicked.
Continue ReadingI entered a contest last week for the most prominent veins. I didn’t win, but I came varicose.
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