I was in a crowded pub wi …
I was in a crowded pub with my mate, when he suddenly sprayed me with fluorescent paint. Wish he’d stop showing me up like that.
Continue ReadingI was in a crowded pub with my mate, when he suddenly sprayed me with fluorescent paint. Wish he’d stop showing me up like that.
Continue ReadingPeople who shake tins in the street for churches..Don’t they beggar belief?
Continue ReadingWhen I was younger one of my teeth fell out while my Auntie Anne was babysitting for me. She noticed I had placed my tooth under my pillow along with a spliff. She said, “I don’t think the tooth fairy will be wanting a spliff.” I replied, “Yes she will, she’s a rasta fairy Anne.”
Continue ReadingI’m not saying my son’s a born pedant, but even as a young child, he would play correct-the-dots.
Continue ReadingI used to have a Fox and an Ox, but now only have an Ox due to the fact I lost my F’in Fox.
Continue ReadingAt work, my boss always abuses his power. He has ten appliances plugged into a single socket.
Continue ReadingI placed an advert in the job centre for a ‘PVC Specialist’ All the applicants arrived in bondage suits and gimp masks… maybe I should have added that we also make conservatories in Wood and Aluminium.
Continue ReadingI accidentally mistook Clearasil for toothpaste; my teeth are spotless.
Continue ReadingInstead of giving me a handjob, my girlfriend tried using her keyring… I felt like I was being fobbed off.
Continue ReadingJust had some Walkers crisps. Nicked them out of his Berghaus rucksack.
Continue ReadingI love being an Indian Cobra! I live a charmed life.
Continue ReadingI spent hours studying the pyramids today. I’ve concluded they’re much nicer than the round tea bags.
Continue ReadingI walked home with a skip in my step today. Accidentally stood on a packet of crisps.
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to take the day off today. I’m just going to call it to.
Continue ReadingLemons. They’re sublime.
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