Last night I tried one of …
Last night I tried one of those tricks where you light your farts on fire. I couldn’t find a lighter, so I used a candle. Completely ruined my Grandmothers birthday cake.
Continue ReadingLast night I tried one of those tricks where you light your farts on fire. I couldn’t find a lighter, so I used a candle. Completely ruined my Grandmothers birthday cake.
Continue ReadingI pulled my balaclava on, pulled my collar up and left the house after a good look round to make sure no one could recognise me, I headed down the road with one thing on my mind, making sure no one saw me when I popped into Aldi for some milk.
Continue ReadingI should be proud of my wife for being an elite athlete. I just find it difficult to tell others I’m married to the scrum-half from Leeds Carnegie.
Continue ReadingWhen an old school friend found out my girlfriend studied at Oxford he sent me a text saying,”OMG,that’s unbelievible because I studied at Oxford too.” Not the dictionary he didn’t.
Continue ReadingAfter only having my new job as an English teacher for a few months, I was shocked when an eleven year old girl approached me and said “Me and my boyfriend are having a baby!” I was disgusted. She should have said “My boyfriend and I are having a baby”
Continue ReadingI became the stag party organizer for my mate the other day. I found a great place we could go, I promised my mate the girls get wet for you and everything! He didnt seem impressed when we turned up at a childrens swimming pool.
Continue ReadingUnfortunately it seems sneezing at the point of climax didnt release those innate Spiderman abilities I thought I had…
Continue ReadingWhat’s funnier than seeing a fat guy fall over? Watching him cradle himself to sleep trying to get back up.
Continue Readingafter i jokingly said to my girlfriend that her farts smell like dead babies, she totally freaked out she’s acting so weird since the abortion
Continue ReadingI dropped off last night and then farted myself awake. Wife wasn’t best pleased. Don’t think we’ll be going to the theatre again for a while.
Continue ReadingThrowing a chocolate bar at fat girls ‘cos they look like they need a Boost.
Continue ReadingI had to do a drama performance for my A-levels, except I was a bit nervous, so I took the good old advice of picturing everyone naked. Shame my nan was in the audience.
Continue ReadingI was trying to get a hot girl at the bar jealous, so I started slowly dancing and getting off with a potted plant. It worked wonders, she was staring at me.
Continue ReadingAs we drove past an elderly couple walking a Labrador earlier, my girlfriend said to me: “Isn’t it weird, ever since we have had a dog, I now always notice lots of dogs when we’re out” I said, “I know exactly what you mean, ever since I’ve had a girlfriend, I now notice lots of […]
Continue Reading“How dare you break wind before my wife” said the host of a dinner party to his guest. “Oh I’m sorry” said the guest, “I didn’t realise it was her turn”.
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