| Joke Name |
• Good News, Bad News
One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news.... |
• Baaaad News
Doctor: I have good news and bad news. |
• Good News and Bad News
A guy is in the hospital with two broken legs. The nurse comes in and tells him that there's good news and bad news. |
• Defense Lawyer's Good News
"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client. |
• Bad News
A man went to the doctor to get a physical. After the doctor examined him, he told the man he had some bad news... he had cancer and alzheimers. |
• George Miller: Income Tax News
Hey, I've got good news. I got back $8,000 on my income tax. The bad news is I'm going to prison. |
• Darryl Lenox: News Junkie
If you're a big news junkie and you're worried about this or that, I've got some bad news for you: neither Bill O'Reilly or Bill Maher's gonna come to your funeral. |
• Arj Barker: Good News About Smoking
I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it -- like the fact that smoking seriously reduces the risk of jogging. |
• News for Adam and Eve
One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. |
• Kristeen von Hagen: Good News/Bad News
Good news: I have a boyfriend. But the bad news is I'm not good in relationships. I get all jealous. I don't even like to see my boyfriend talking to his wife. |
• Sean Morey: Hangover News
I don't drink as much as I used to. I don't like those hangovers anymore. Wake up with a splitting headache; your memory comes back like a little radio in your head -- 'Good morning, fool. It's time for the news. You got drunk last night, and you... |
• Chuck Booms: Diversity News
We've got to have every goddamn nationality at that news desk. I am so sick of that sh*t I could scream. Give me four white guys, four black guys, all women -- I don't care -- but do I have to have a g**damn UN meeting every time I turn on the set? |
• I Have Some News for You
A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The rash continues to get worse and worse, so the man decides to see a doctor. He goes in to the clinic where the staff runs a battery of tests. After several minutes, the doctor comes back in the... |
• Greg Giraldo: Doomsday Scenarios on the News
You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves. |
• Breaking the News is Worth a Beer
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly. |
• Bill Hicks: Ted Turner's News Grudge
Watch 'Headline News' for an hour. It's the most depressing thing you'll ever do: war, famine, death, AIDS, homeless, depression, recession, drought, flood, pit bull, war, famine, death, AIDS. Then you look out your window, and it's like, where's... |
• Mike Birbiglia: New Is Not Real
News is not real. It's gotten so strange. People get down on Fox News, but at least with Fox News, you know it's not true. |
• John Caparulo: Not Watching the News
My friends guilt trip me, 'You hear what Bush said today? You see his speech?' 'Uh, no.' 'How could you miss that?' 'I guess I got more channels than you do, dude. It wasn't on Nickelodeon. I don't care.' 'What about the education system and gay... |
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