Joke Portal

Joke Name

• Things I Learned From Movies
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

• A blonde goes into a music store and...
A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy who works there where the country music CD's are.

• Why can't skeletons play music in ...
Q: Why can't skeletons play music in church?

• Mike Sweeney: New Kids on the Block Lip-Sync
The New Kids on the Block lip-syncing -- who gives a damn? That's like finding out the Muppets didn't sing their own music.

• Mike Sweeney: Music on Answering Machines
Everyone puts music now on their outgoing answering machine. Can we knock that off? You know they spent five hours going through their album collection to find the one song that most represents what they're all about. Like you're going to call up...

• Drunk Musicians
The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's Ninth one night. One bass player said to the other: ''We don't have much to do. Let's go next door for a few drinks.'' They stayed for a while and got a little tipsy. One said to the other: ''To give...

• 10 Ways To Tell You're From New Hampshire
10) You married your cousin's brother's wife

• Summer School for Slackers
Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about it. In order to keep money flowing into our institution we've created a summer program that any slacker could pass.

• Nick Swardson: Motley Crue - Behind the Music
I'll be like, 'I just had, like, twenty beers!' They'll be like, Nikki Sixx drank heroin from a fire hose.'

• Bill Engvall: Bill, You're Out of Your Element!
We get in [the club], and we are totally out of our element. There's this synthesizer-computer music going, there's these laser lights and black lights. It's just not our kind of gig. So we're standing there having a beer and all of sudden my...

• Donald Glover: Gold Star Power
When you get called the n-word, as a black person you can do anything. It's like getting a gold star in Super Mario Brothers and junk. I hear the music when I hear the n-word. I get right into it; I get really into it. You can do anything. You...

• Marina Franklin: Music Too Loud
I had this happen for the first time ever. I had a white girl come to my door and complain about my music being too loud. And I got pissed off. I was like, 'This is a black neighborhood. That's what the f**k we do. We play our black music loud....

• Mo Mandel: Mariachi Music
Every song sounds the same. It's so repetitive. It's like techno for people without electricity.

• Myq Kaplan: Stand-Up Show
Once, they brought all the comedians up to music that I guess they thought was appropriate to our backgrounds. Like this black gentleman went on before me was brought up to hip hop, which is cool. I, being Jewish, brought up to 'The Price Is...

• Eric Andre: "COPS" Theme Song
Is it just me or is reggae the most inappropriate music they could have picked to open up the show "COPS"?

• Top 10 Reasons To Live In Nova Scotia
1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war...by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire

• 50 Things to Do in a Mall
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.

• Too Much Wrestling
* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and Bryan Adams stole wrestlers' names

• Suspenders
Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped. The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it. The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his 'Vette,...