| Joke Name |
• Mitch Hedberg: OK, You're a Stand-Up Comedian
When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do things besides comedy. They say, 'OK, you're a stand-up comedian -- can you act? Can you write? Write us a script?'... It's as though if I were a cook and I worked my ass... |
• Victoria Jackson: Macho Husband
My husband's so macho, he has five guns, a helicopter, a motorcycle; he used to be on a SWAT team; and he works the cattle at his mom's farm. So, I thought, he's either really macho, or he's really gay and he's overcompensating. He likes to clean... |
• Paul F. Tompkins: Migrant Farm-Worker Fantasy Camp
Let's say you did some migrant working in college, right? And you thought you were pretty good, you could have turned pro, but then, I don't know, you broke your leg or whatever. This is your chance to work alongside the greats of migrant... |
• Gene Pompa: Hardcore Political Activist
I'm an old school, hardcore political activist. For instance, I still won't eat grapes because of the plight of the migrant farm workers. I also won't eat raisins because of the older migrant farm workers. That's how hardcore I am. I also won't eat prunes. That's for a completely different reason. |
• Retta: Two Words That Shouldn't Describe the Same Product
Think about it: nondairy creamer, two words that should not be used to describe the same product. Kind of like turkey bacon -- what the hell is going on on that farm? |
• Cold Day in Hell
A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil. |
• A Lesson In Morals
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. |
• Shoot The Pig
A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling — what should I... |
• Pa Won't Like It
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey, Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." |
• Office Dictionary
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing who's to blame for a missed deadline or a failed project. |
• Randy Rooster
A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take... |
• Mud Hole Moral
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. He entreats the chicken to get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farm, but the farmer can't be found. So, he drives the... |
• Old Joe
A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get back to the farm, but it's too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk. |
• Bill O'Reilly's Chauffeur
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. |
• Brave Pig With the Peg Leg
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg. |
• Taking Ducks to Market
Once there was a farmer with three sons. He gave a duck to his eldest son and told him to see how much money he could get for it at the market. The eldest son came back later in the day, shouting "Dad, I got $10 for the duck!" |
• The Salesman's Scoreboard
A travelling salesman is out in the country selling his wares. He is in the middle of nowhere when his car breaks down, he leaves the car and starts walking and reaches a small farm house. He knocks and a middle aged man opens the door. |
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